


about today (how close am i)

by arabybizarre



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Post 2x03, Waverly and Nicole talk about feelings and stuff, Wayhaught - Freeform, because that's what i'm here for, in a productive healthy way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 12:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11313726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arabybizarre/pseuds/arabybizarre
Summary: Post 2x03.In which Nicole stands by her feelings and Waverly tries to support her as much as the goo will allow.





	about today (how close am i)

**Author's Note:**

> What an episode, am I right? Needed to write a little something in reaction to it. Takes place on the same day as the events of 2x03.
> 
> P.s. the title is taken from a song by The National. It fit perfectly. Give it a little listen if ya dig.
> 
> P.s.s I wrote this on my lunch break at work earlier and read through it once. So if it's trash... don't tell me because I am a soft marshmallow person who has had two glasses of wine.

Nicole ends up waiting so long that she falls asleep on the couch. She’d been a little surprised to see Waverly’s text in the first place. A bit of concern was expected after the minor walloping she’d taken earlier, but with that afternoon’s disagreement still fresh in her mind, she’d been expecting a bit more distance.

Then again, Waverly was nothing if not impossibly hard to predict lately. Since Willa’s death she’d been at times terse and at others overtly forward, to the point that Nicole had to wonder if some of that passion wasn’t just to get her to _stop talking_. (Granted, she’d asked for that at one time, hadn’t she?)

Nevertheless, she’d be powerless to turn down Waverly’s _“can I come see you?”_ on any day.

Of course, that was hours ago now. When she’d first received the text it had been already a bit late in the evening for her. After mountains of paperwork, a massive headache and a bit of additional icing to her shoulder and crimped neck, and the overall turmoil of her shit-show of a day, she knew she’d be lucky to make it past 9pm. But if nothing else, falling asleep with Waverly running her fingers through her hair was better than staying up alone.

However, 9pm came and went, Waverly never texting her past a brief _“see you soon.”_ And before she knew it, she was being startled awake by a knock on her door.

She was stiffer now, having passed out half-fallen off her couch, and very nearly tripped as she stood, aching and barely conscious. Nicole limped to the door and peeked through the peephole. Waverly stood on the other side, looking a little sheepish before ever even facing her. She quickly glanced at the clock. _11:47._

“Waverly,” she greeted as she opened the door. Her voice was scratchy and just a touch more aggravated than she’d meant it to sound.

“Hey.” The other woman smiled lamely, apology written on her face. “I think I’m late?”

Nicole stepped back to let her through the door. Something inside of her reared back, ready for an argument. But she tamped it down, too tired to stand much longer. Waverly tentatively stepped inside, but didn’t yet remove her coat.

“Unless we have radically different ideas of what _‘see you soon’_ means.”

“I’m sorry.” Waverly fumbled over her jacket toggles. “You were sleeping?”

Nicole nodded, plodding forward to settle back onto the couch. Waverly didn’t miss the slight hobble in her step. After a moment’s hesitation, she took off her coat, hanging it on the rack by the door, and joined her.

They were quiet for a moment, Nicole glancing idly at the TV, before Waverly gently reached for her hand. “Are you all right?”

_No,_ she thought. But assuming Waverly meant physically, she admitted, “Sore. I’m thinking a  good night’s sleep ought to help though.” Which was highly unlikely, considering her early shift the next morning. Not to mention the unrelenting barrage of worries presently assaulting her, the majority of them stemming from the woman who was now timidly stroking her hand.

“Wynonna said you were brave today.”

A part of her felt indignant at that. After the shit Wynonna had given her earlier, she couldn’t help but feel that brave was simply… _not good enough._ A bit patronizing, maybe. But then she glanced at Waverly, at her gentle smile and the way she couldn’t seem to meet her eyes, and she realized that it didn’t really matter what Wynonna thought. Not here at least.

“I was just… doing my job. You know.”

At that, Waverly didn’t glance up, a gleam of genuine regret in her gaze. She bit her lip and said, “I’m sorry about today. About… everything.” It was a nebulous apology, barely leaving Nicole anymore settled than she had been earlier. A little bit worn from the whiplash of trying to keep up with Waverly’s wildly oscillating emotions.

Self-preservation was necessary. She felt foolishly tender about this woman, enough so to forgive and forget as much as it would take. But at some point, for the sake of her own wellness, she had to give in to that sense of indignation.

She was warring with herself, unsure of what she should even be feeling. She _wanted_ to brush it all off, to pretend it hadn’t happened or wouldn’t continue to happen (which she supposed it would). But at some point, she was just… too damn tired.

Nicole sighed, repositioning herself against the arm of the sofa. Her shoulder ached something fierce, and her head was absolutely pounding. Waverly seemed to take notice, clutching her hand a little tighter as her brow pinched in concern. “Nicole--”

“Look, Waverly,” she stopped her, collecting her thoughts. “I appreciate the apology--honestly. But I need to make sure you understand where I’m coming from, okay? Because today was… something else. And I’m not looking to repeat it anytime soon.”

Waverly looked a little stung. A little stiff, like she was bracing for the castigation. Bracing for a rejection of some sort. Nicole was reminded again of the effect Willa had had on her. The uncertainty of her roots and who she was supposed to be. She softened, reorienting herself so that she could look her in the eye. She absentmindedly turned her hand over, linking their fingers.

“I don’t want you to think that was a rejection earlier, at the school. When I said ‘not in uniform,’ it wasn’t because I was embarrassed or anything. That would be… ridiculous. _Me_ turning _you_ down?” She smirked lightly, catching Waverly’s eyes. “How could I?”

Waverly smiled too, cheeks coloring lightly in a show of the shyness that never failed to make Nicole melt--something that had seemed so fleeting as of late.

“I really didn’t mean it like that. And I’m sorry if it sounded that way. It’s just…” Nicole paused, looking away again. She thought of Tucker, and the unabashed disgust he’d shown her. “I’m the only woman in the entire sheriff’s department. Which, on one hand, is a pretty cool thing. But in a town like this, where people can be, you know, very closed-minded, it can really suck too.”

Waverly’s gaze seemed to darken suddenly, enough so to make Nicole falter. “Waves?”

Waverly snapped to her suddenly, looking alert and _there._ Nicole settled.

“I know. I’ve seen it happen enough times.”

“I think the other deputies respect me, for the most part. There’s a couple who’ve given me looks. Or have just been plain dismissive. But I think I’ve gotten lucky. I had a harder time with it back in the academy, believe it or not. Still, it kind of feels like I’m just… working twice as hard for the same level of respect. Even with citizens.” She frowned, feeling a twinge of anger. “It’s very hard to arrest someone when they don’t believe you even have the strength to do it.”

“You prove them wrong every day, you know,” Waverly reminded her, bringing their clasped hands to her lap. She pulled her closer. “I know a lot of those deputies. I even went to school with a couple of them. And I can tell you for fact that not one of them is as cunning or as skilled as you are.”

Nicole was grateful to hear that. A little embarrassed, but flattered nonetheless. Regardless, there was still some small part of her--the self-conscious part, maybe--that felt as though she were being looked down upon. Because, yes, what Waverly believed about her may be true. But she still wasn’t enough for Black Badge.

“None of them are even close to being as good looking, either. But I guess that’s beside the point.” Nicole chuckled tiredly as Waverly reached back to tousle a hand in her rumpled hair.

“Maybe you’re right,” Nicole ceded. “But at the end of the day, I’ve still got to work with them--the other deputies, the people who live here. Regardless of what they think of me. And I probably shouldn’t care. But…” She felt herself pulling back and had to stop. This wasn’t entirely about Waverly and how she’d been acting. Nicole knew that deep down. But it wasn’t easy to admit to her own insecurity.

“I’ve worked really hard to be accepted. For who I am and everything I want to be. And I _could_ be a really great officer, Waverly--”

“You are--”

“But I could be better.” _I could be more than just an officer,_ she thought. But she wouldn’t say it. She knew Waverly was smart enough to read between the lines.

“I just want everyone else to see that. But instead… they see me getting handsy with my girlfriend on the job. Whether I’d like to or not, it doesn’t make a difference. It just comes off as unprofessional. And in my position I don’t want to risk that.”

“Oh.” Waverly turned away, though her hand remained threaded in Nicole’s hair. She couldn’t tell if she was hurt or mad or something else. She’d been so hard to read lately. “You’re not going to get in trouble, are you?” There was a sudden edge there that Nicole couldn’t decipher.

“Not… formally. No. Nedley gave me a little shit about it earlier, but I think he’s willing to let it slide.”

“Good,” Waverly nodded.

“I mean, there was something else.” Nicole hesitated nervously, thinking back to her conversation with Nedley earlier. His plans for her were exciting, something to be proud of. Even if it wasn’t as glamorous as being a Black Badge agent, it served its own important purpose. The sheriff had reminded her of that. Of why she’d wanted to be a cop in the first place: to help the people who can’t help themselves.

She was a little afraid of how Waverly might react. If she’d be _overly_ , apologetically enthusiastic. As if Nicole had been thrown a bone in the wake of her previous rejection.

Then again, this was her girlfriend. And if she wanted to take this thing any further (and she fully intended to), she couldn’t be afraid to share her life.

“What is it?”

“Nedley kind of told me that, in the future, he’d want me to fill his position. When he retires.”

“Seriously?” She looked up and Waverly’s eyes were positively gleaming, equal parts excitement and _pride._ Immediately, a lump started to form in Nicole’s throat. (She’d been worried about that happening too.)

“Not for a while, of course. I’m still young and there’s a lot he wants me to learn--”

She was cut off by Waverly throwing her arms around her neck, crushing her in an excited embrace.

“Baby,” she said, pulling back to frame Nicole’s face in her hands. “That’s so awesome.”

“It…” Waverly’s reaction _was_ genuine. And somehow, that made her just a little bit more nervous.

_Not good enough_. She heard the words over again. It had always been a fear of hers, having been beaten back and pushed aside so many times. By peers and coworkers and classmates. (And if she was being honest, by herself, too.)

“It is cool,” she said, swallowing past that lump. “But nothing’s set in stone. I still have to manage to _not_ screw it up.”

Waverly frowned slightly. She opened her mouth, as if to say something more, but thought better of it. Instead, she leaned forward and captured Nicole’s lips in a gentle, pacifying kiss.

Breaking away, she told her, “You won’t screw up. Because you’re you. And you’re very good at what you do.”

Then, something odd. Something dark--almost a shadow, swimming through Waverly’s eyes. It was like she was frowning and smiling at the same time. “Almost too good, sometimes,” she finished.

“What do you--”

But then Waverly was kissing her again. It was deeper this time, swifter. A kiss like cutting teeth, just a little… burned at the edges. Waverly was pulling away again before she had time to place it.

“You just need to be careful,” Waverly told her, eyes a little clearer.

“I’m trying to be.”

Nicole couldn’t help but think it was something of a warning.

 


End file.
